Summing up holiday experiences should be done before getting back home. The sand is still chafing between your bottocks, the suntan has not been yet washed off and the routine hasn’t struck with the mighty heft of an unprocessed Inbox.

Tenerife is an awesome place in April. It’s not too hot, it’s not too crowded and it’s relatively cheap. 1kg T-bone steak for 22 euros is just one example. (I really should have thought twice before ordering). 40 litres of diesel fuel for 27 pounds is another.

The ocean obviously isn’t the warmest this time of year but if you can suck up a bit of cold sting then you’ll be fine. In other words Yuli and I bathed while Vika, Tali and Shelli were petrified to go near the water. Beaches are lovely.

We didn’t visit too many attractions due to the ongoing issue of having a two year old with us. But if one were to quickly itemise before the whingeing picks up again:

– Loro parque. Prides itself to be the number one zoo in Europe. Honestly I am not a keen zoo goer but I had a descent time. Dolphins, whales, gorillas, tonns of parrots and some overpriced food. One curious fact – the vet labs on the territory have glass walls such that the visitors can observe everything happening inside. If there is a surgery taking place you can watch. Well worth a visit with kids.

– Siam park. A water park in Thai style. Extremely satisfactory. Cool rides, awesome swimming pools and very picturesque surroundings. Didn’t go onto the scariest rides though. With age I became a bit of a wimp when it comes to putting my body through uncontrolled turbulence. Ilia Loubesnki, your story didn’t help.

– Malizia Flamenco show. Well… It’s nice. Unfortunately felt a bit like an entertainment evening at a good old Soviet Clubmed (дом отдыха). Not because the show was lame just the majority of the audience was a blast from the past. Flamenco itself was magnificent, energetic and captivating. Apart from those 10 minutes when I dozed off for a bit. Then it became somewhat subdued.

– Teide the Volcano. Well… About halfway to the destination, a kilometre or so above the sea level we drove into a cloud that made the driving itself a little bit terrifying. So we made a decisive U-turn and ended up feeling miserable at a petrol station’s MacDonald’s. That was probably the low of the holiday. But people say the views from Teide are astonishing and we believe them.

– Jetski. Fucking A! A two hour journey along the coast. What an experience! The adrenalin level rises to incredible heights somewhere where only skiing or buying a new iPhone can take you. So much power between your limbs. Incredible.

– Accommodation. We rented a really cool apartment in Adeje Paraiso residence. It was on two levels with three bedrooms and a huge balcony. The residence itself had a few swimming pools and a bar. All very tidy and well maintained. Spending a day inside was a holiday in itself.

Great holiday. Too bad we don’t usually tend to come back to the same resort for the second time. I would feel missing the great wonders of the world if I were to return to the same sand, sea and rocks.

When I wrote this I was wearing shorts and flipflops sitting on top floor of the beatiful Siam Mall. I was drinking coffee with orange juice watching my kids play. The wife and Tali were shopping. It would have been an incredible feeling if not for Ryanair the next morning.

Now I am sitting on a step by a rubbish bin in the Tenerife airport waiting for my flight to board. Luton here we come. Yeah, great… sort of…

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